These Scars Are Deeper Than They Seem

Love. What is Love ? Love in the Oxford dictionary is defined as having a strong feeling of affection towards someone. Its is definitely a feeling that everyone has experienced, no matter how much or how little. Love is a feeling that everyone yearns for. They want, to love, to be loved and the list just goes on. But how can this feeling be quantified ? Some people seem to be so casual with it, yet others get distraught over a failed relationship. Yet this feeling is often only described with a single word regardless of its so called intensity. There is no I lover her, nor is there a I lovest her.

To me, love is feeling that takes time to sink in. Thus the phrase love at first sight is total bullcrap to me. Love to me is a sense of responsibility, a place where you have to put yourself no matter the situation, to think about the other half before yourself. So often whenever we are overwhelmed by the shit the world gives us we build up walls to keep people out. We then forget that these people who are so close to our hearts are locked out too. How would that make them feel ?

Lately, I feel like a total mess. My perfect world seem to have made a 180 degrees turn, spinning everything upside down, mixing all these different problems and feelings inside out. I made the mistake of building walls up, thinking I need space, I need some time to be away. I only focused on the I, me, myself that i failed to see how much my actions were hurting her. How these problems that i am facing are also affecting her too. I mean, how could I have been so selfish yet I tell her everyday that I love her.

I think I need a new perspective to what love means. I need to start appreciating the things I have instead of focusing on what I don't have. I need to do something before it's too late. So.. What is Love ?

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
Psalm 61:2

Its been so long since i last been here. So many memories flood my mind as i look back at all my previous post. Two years have past, so many things have changed. Yet once again i find myself back here. I promised myself that i will never post any emo or sad things on this blog. But heck, no one comes here anymore :) this shall be my little rant corner now :D

Recently, i had to make a really tough decision. In my opinion i really think that it has gone too far, but there was really no other way. No one will understand how i really feel about it. Even if people were willing to listen, i really doubt they will understand. No matter how i see it, i am the one that is at the losing end. Both are important to me, but yet.. From now on, things will never be the same again. In fact things have already started changing. Opinions are such a bitch~ Gah !! Why am i even talking to myself. Guess this is the part where i will disappear again :P

till next time :D

I guess my post abt aus is getting really draggy. So i will just wrap it uo with a really brief post. Basically the 2nd and 3rd daywe went to movie world and dream world respectively. The rides there were rather thrilling andfun However, i think tt we would hav had a better time if there wasnt any rain. But then again its not everyday you gt to ride on rides in the rain. so i guess its a diff experience all together. The next day we went to ctach wabbies(erm smth like crayfish but smaller) and crabs. then we used the live wabbies as bait for fish. Tt evening we went to gold coast's surfer's paradise beach for a swim. the waves in the pacific ocean was just awesome, in sg you can nvr gt waves tt big. The following day we went over to asia's biggest tropical fruit farm. i guess the main highlight of the trip was being able to crack raw macadamias and eating them on the spot. thereafter, we went to a factory outlet for a shopping spree. tt really sums up my trip. ireally hope someday i will be able to visit australia again :D someday.. haha

Everyday~ Its You I Live For~

Hello ! I am back from church camp ler. Had a really great time there. Ok wait, great is an understatement, it was AWESOME !!! :D Yea, finally after attending church for like 16 years of my life, i actually gt to know ppl from youth. Haha. Well, i guess it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, treading into new territories. I know i really benifited from this camp, through all the sermons and lessons learnt. Now i know i really want to be serious in my relationship with God. In doing so i must press on and be consistant. Yesterday, it was really really awesome so see all those ppl being touched by God/Holy Spirit. I was included, i guess. Haha. Its really a feeling tt can only be felt and not discribed. Really glad i attended the camp. i really look forward to the one next year :D

Australia 171210

Day 2 Friday 171210 (07:30)

I woke up with my legs feeling really sore. The captain of the plane then made an announcement saying that we were going to begin our desend. I opened the window shades and was greeted my the bright morning sun. Finally we were here. The landscape was filled with farms and everything looked so mini.

After we landed, we took a short bus ride to a boat jetty. We took the 1hour ferry to an offshore island called Tangalooma. It is a beautiful island with clear blue waters and clean white sand, it is simply paradise.  There we were taken to a small restraunt where we had our buffet lunch. Next on our itenary was sand boarding. Sand boarding ?? yea, i had the same reaction too, but trust me, its one hell of an awesome sport.

We boarded a 4 wheel drive bus and took a bumpy offroad ride to the somewhere.. Soon the forest clearing disappeared and we enter to the wilderness, or simply placed, the dessert. The area was totally empty with the exception of small srubs. Mountains of sand and sand dunes made up the landscape.

I gasped the moment i gt of the bus as i saw the biggest and steepest sand hill in my life. A short briefing was given by our bus driver. In his briefing he mentioned " You will gt sand in places you will not expect to find" At first i tot he was being kua zhang. But after waxing the wooden board and sliding down the hill at 60km/h, i would say, listen to the old man, he aint kidding. COZ I HAD SAND IN MY NOSE AND EARS AND MANY MANY MORE ._. haha. i met a new friend there, we talked as if we had knew each other for years, but tt i the first time i saw tt person, and pretty much the last i guess. didnt gt her name though, so my family calls her The Sand Dune Girl. HAHA.By the time we were done, it was evening and time for our next experience. Dolphine feeding~ But before tt i managed to gt a few sunset pics and gt to see a rainbow~ pics on fb by the way. Yea back to the dolphine thing. Well we went into the freezing water and gt to feed the dolphines. basically we hold a fish put it into the water and let the dolphine grab it from us. Cool huh ? haha. Yea, after tt was dinner and pretty much the end of the day :D

Australia day 1 171210

Yay ! I am back frm australia ler. had a really great time there bah.

Thursday 16/12/10 21:20

*growl* ._. haha what a way to start my post  but i guess tt really happened. Cant really blame my stomach though, coz i haven had my dinner. We were supposed to meet the tour guide at 10pm so i had no choice but to pia a little longer. i sat on the sit at the airport, feeling a little disappointed to the slow start of the trip.

Well i guess with every passing minute the intensity of my hunger grew and tt in turn made me more grumpy. As you know a hungry man is an angry man, so you gt the drift. haha. Finally the tour guide came and he gave us a brief rundown about the trip.

When i though i could finally go for dinner, some aunty started to bombard the tour guide with a barage of qns. Darn, i gt some kang chong spider aunty in my tour group, just great.. Soon aft, we went over to the kopitiam and had minced pork noodles. yummy ! haha. Finally i gt to eat smth. haha. before we went through the immigration, we stopped by some super mart for a quick drink. and then we were off. Before i knew it, i was waiting to board the plane. i was dying to have a quick plurk but darn no internet. oh ya, basically, my tour group consisted of families with young children , so i was kind of disappointed bah.(cant make new friends T.T) there was some hope however, as there was this one girl how seemed around my age. you ppl must be thinking wah this samuel like flirt sia. Nope, i really mean friend so at least gt someone to talk to. tts all. haha.

So soon i was on the plane, SQ flight ! yay ! wun bored ler. Slightly pass midnight, the engines of the airplane burst into life and the plane began to taxi to the runway. Like a rush of adrenaline, the plane quickly accerated to neckbreaking speed(tis one a lttle kua zhang hehe), and with a few tilts to the sides, the plane was soon off. i gazed out of the small oval window, admiring the dazzling lights tt litted singapore. truely a marv sight i tell you. ahh. But tt didnt catch my attention for long, and i was soon staring into the screen in front of me. 7hours flight, i had better find something to do huh ? So i chionged two movies, one eng and one chinese. just as i felt tired and wanted to sleep, the person in front of me leaned her chair back all the way. And for someone with relatively long legs it was damn uncomfortable. freaking inconsiderate person in front @#$%^&!

i shifted myself frequetly but the lack of leg room really took a toll on me. i was really skeptical tt the trip would be fun due to the dull start. however, the saying goes "ming tian hui gen hao", is it really true ?  Haiish.

my eyelids started to grow heavy and i dosed off into another light nap. ZZZ...

Heys, im back. suddenly tot of postng so ya.
yesterday had extra lessons again. ( we have really dedicated teachers) ._.
yupp its the second day in the row ler.
meet jianz at the bus stop early in the morning. and ya it wasnt planned.
today was POA and chem.
feel tt i really need help in tis 2 subjects as half the time i seriously don understand wad the teacher is talking abt.
managed to get through the two two hours lessons though.
then waited for andrew, killed time by talking to christine , seiyi and annie.
one hour passed quite quickly.
took a slow stoll down to cwp thereafter.
then me andrew, annie and seiyi ate at kfc.

kinda had fun there ^.^

we teased annie & her la bi xiao xin (which came from a chicky meal)
tried to piss a china couple off.
ok coz they were doing "stuff"
like adult stuff, you noe wad i mean.
kind of disgusting. they ought to gt a room. hee.
headed for home aft tt. leaving annie and seiyi to walk around and andrew to i dunno where
suprisingly i started doing my hw.didnt really noe wad to do.
did my eng summary.
speaking of tt. i actually did nt wan to do it.
coz i was totally pissed with the way the hw was conveyed and the threat which came with it.
nevertheless i completed it and actually had some time to do a little extra..

Is it nice ? smth really random i drew

The draft for my summary. and yes there are many spelling errors ._.

Half writen summary..

and lastly my completed summary..

Okok , i will start off my post with some pics bah. Well basically tis were taken yesterday while i was at ion orchard. hmm , ya was at swensen's eating ice-cream buffet !! Well its kinda in a mess but heck , they tasted great !!

HMM.. my first serving , consist of blueberry , mint , mango & cookies and cream !!

OK ! round 2 , well tis , err ya its a face. something me and my friends came up wif 

Now.. tis is blueberry , wild berries and lemon topped wif abundance of blueberry jam. yum. well by now im sure you can see tt im a great fan of berries. hee.

how abt bananas and strawberries topped wif sinful creamy milk choco ?

and ya its nice , made of choco.

ya tts abt it for yesterday.

31Aug

well today had teacher's day celebration. Had the usual performances which i will nt elaborate on. Straight aft tt we had our bio spa. Was kind of slow wif the potato cutting. but at least i had accurate readings for the first time. Woots~ went down to the canteen and was plesantly suprised to see andrew , ben , and jiajun waiting for me. proceeded on for lunch at kfc. soon aft i departed from their company and went over to gwp to meet up wif pri sch friends. didnt really regret the long wait though coz we had loads of fun. such a waste i didnt take any pics.ya. guess tts it.looking forward to next year's teacher's day ? hee..

ok im finally posting after such a long time. hee. due to the exams and stuff. haiish. today was my last paper ler. well nothing much to say though, just trying to keep this post longer. hmm. well just gonna say goodbye. hee pointless post.. off to reply tags..

ok changed my playlist. tot maybe smth quiet for a change. kinda of random songs but they are nice though. heard the first song at popular juz now..

anyway all the fantastic nie teachers are going away. mr chen , miss teo and so on. are there even anymore ? haha. but i find tt the nie teachers aree much better compared to our main teachers. haiish. life is gonna be boring again without their lessons.

hmm 2moro going for ndp again.. 2 more trainings to freedom.. haha.. 2moro probably gonna emo liao lah. since yuepei is sick. hope he will get well soon. how i wish i could take the pic of the city skyline with the sunset at the background and share it wif you ppl. its really nice. ^.^
anyway sch ndp training today. like normal i juz kept quiet nt saying much. much to my suprise the GOH improved by leaps and bounces. kudos to them. but then some of them muz really improve their attitude.
"don take my kindness for weakness".
like always martin was like some joker.. such an... blah blah blah then held the mike for swee teng.. no comments to tt.. nt easy to talk to someone like her though. don ask me why. tried to say smth but it didnt work out. hee.. ya. then somebody is probably famous now for the "great" example set. wow .nvr did i expect him to say such a thing.

yupp then went home.. end of story

ok juz a short post before i go. really ps coz i so late then read your tags. sorry sorry. ya .

recently choi-ing hw until like 12 plus. hehe.but suprisingly nt tired. today had msp. hmm can say quite fun bah. then go back. haiya don wan elaborae ler. no time liao. gtg. will post when i hav de time. hopefully soon. ^.^

lol so much for blogging lah. realised i don hav much time to maintain one. hehe but i will still continue to blog.

ya ok simple rundown of last week. didnt go to sch for like 2 days. coz on mc. had fever like like 38 degrees plus. anyway didnt go ndp last week. gonna lose my position ler. haiish.. T . T anyway when i went back sch realised had alot of hings to catch up.

ya a simply boring week ? ya and we hav our first confirmed case of h1n1 in our class. lol. had wonderful time singing with jianz , jarren and andrew today. hope to hear their band play soon.

yupp guess i will stop here. and anyone tt passes by pls tag. coz mii tagboard still empty lehs.. haha

Yes !! finally gt my blog up. First of all wanna thank someone for spending so much time to help me. hehe. Thanks !! <3


Ok, welcome to my blog ! lol i sound so unoriginal. Well anyway since you are here leave a tag so i can link you ok ?

Now. currently having ndp training every week. Kinda feeling sian already , but its the small surprises i gt every week tt keeps me from quiting.

Last saturday's training was kind of fun. Was NE1 this week. lots of kids sia. (ok ya duh ?) they were really funny the way they repeated the PC's commands. tried very hard to control my laughter. then ya. Gt shocked by the first blast of the cannon again. damm. super ps sia. i tink i jump or smth. then march pass tt time. i was simply mesmerised by the city skyline as the sun was setting behind it. hmm. beautiful~

We then proceeded on to the city march. By then we were all very tired but we still pia. We then heard the sound of fireworks but we were not allowed to look. lol. Then there was one small drop, followed by a few more. before we knew it there was a heavy downpour. however we still continued to march. Soon the contigents in front started running so we followed suit. Under the shelther we were fortunate to catch a glimsp of the fireworks. Wah ! it looked so grand. Suddenly everyone like so high sia. Walked into the freezing cold holding area with our drenched uniform. *brr* ya some of my contigent members started talking abt cheeky stuff. shall nt elaborate. haha.

ya. bus came late. then ya reached home pretty late. abt 12 ? haha. ya. tts so much abt it bah.